BIG Love

Before I 'GO IN' (ya'll know how I do)...I want to say thank you; for following, reading, commenting, and always inquiring of my next post. Please share these experiences with who you know...don't be like that...share.

On to the next...

You may not mean to insult, but statements like 'Big girls need love too' straight up pisses me off. I have never heard anyone say 'Big boys need love too' or 'Skinny ____ need love too.' Shit, last I checked we all need love; don't you?

Let me take you back to 1994...when I was a skinny girl. Note: My education is based on my experiences, notice how I can speak from both sides of the spectrum...lol. I did not think of being skinny or that I was better than anyone else because I was skinny...I was simply me and I happened to be skinny.

Enough of the flashback...I live in the now. I am not delusional. I know I am a plus size sister. I prefer the term plus size, because that's the section I'm in when you see me shopping for clothes.

Sorry guys...my thoughts are everywhere! Every sentence is triggering a segway, but I'm sure we can get through this together...I'm an Herbivore; currently malnurished. It's what keeps me focused.

Okay...ok

I beg you...fellow plus sizers...your denial makes us look rediculous. We look far better in clothes that fit! Take your ass to the plus size section and STOP SHOPPING FOR LARGE IN THE JUNIORS! Thank you.

As most of you know, I took nudes. The response was beautiful, by the way. What I didn't expect was the respect I gained from my fellow plus sizers. I was looked at as some kind of spokesperson...'People don't expect fat people to do nudes...' Honestly, I hear you and I understand, but the last thing on my mind was my size (believe it or not). I like being naked. There's a beauty in it that I wanted to express to the world...period.

The difference between 1994 and now (besides fingerwaves to dreads and age) is my passion. I used to be an athlete; basketball, track, weight training, etc. Now, I'm an artist. My poetry made me fat. When I decided to take my artistry seriously, everything became secondary...non existant, even. Which now segways me to 'out of shape.' Some people are just built small (dare I say most). They can't walk a mile without dropping a lung and they will eat you out of house and home. Now, because their skinny or small framed society is more accepting. I know some big girls that can dance the night away and eat sometimes or very little (nudge...nudge...wink). Besides, how do you know this is not the shape I’m supposed to be? Out of shape…I outta…

Thank God for self thinking individuals, because without them big girls would need love too. I'm saying, I love spinach and you may hate it, but that doesn't mean you'll spit in my plate. To each their own. We really shouldn't knock each other for our preferences, that's our God given right. What's interesting is I prefer stallions (6' 2" or more...250 -300lbs...SOLID) to big boys. I'm entitled to that without being insultive or nasty. As grown as we are, we tend to get very 'schoolyard' about certain things. If you can't stand the sight of me, don't look...and yes, you can miss me (ha ha).

I had to bring this up, because (like racism) some of you won't leave it alone. Otherwise, I would be a blogger posting blogs; who just happens to be fat (full figured, plus size, whatever). For the record...big girls DO get love too. I'm proof.

Tah! Tah! 4 now

Leave the money on the dresser...

Sometimes it's best to come out the cage swinging. I am a full time Artist; which means if you want me to spotlight/feature/spit, you are calling me to work. I have been doing this longer than Def Poetry Jam existed. WE NEED COMPENSATION! WE NEED COMPENSATION!

Dearest other Artists,

It is due time that we demand to be paid...our worth. If we all did this than they will know to have compensation available or know that that will be discussed when they make contact.

On another note, be honest about your worth. If you want assistance on that...I am also available for consulting.

This is the most effective way to eliminate the pimpin these artists syndrome. Compensation is not secluded to money; it can be a plausible networking event, an opportunity to sell product to a buying crowd, feed me, buy me a drink, pass the bucket, a good cause, etc.

An example of the Pimpin these Artists Syndrome:

Hey, Light. This is blank and I wanted to invite you to feature for our anniversary show...Blah blah blah we have no intention of paying you blah blah.
[since I already knew how their show is set up...a bunch of non-paid poets...showcasing...I REPLY...]

Okay, just make sure I get there. My bus ride is $20 round trip and a ride to and from my momma house.

Ummmm...let me get back to you. [which means that they'll just find someone else that will do it for free]


Am I not worth $20...makes me feel like the common hoe, only she'll get some kind of pay for her blowjob. How would you feel if your boss called you and said "Hey, can you come in for a few hours, do a little work, but we don't have the money this week." ?

I shouldn't be penalized for having a different kind of work, because that's all that is. I don't live in some artist bungalow just off the coast, smoking trees, and sipping lime juice from my coconut cup. I live in Newark...with a landlord that expects his rent like all landlords do. Going any further with this explanation will be insulting your intelligence. I think you get what I'm saying.

Sometimes it feels like abuse...the way they use us up. Well, nothing turns me on like being able to pay my rent. So, PLEASE do me a favor and leave the money on the dresser, it will make up for the pleasure missed while you f*(% ed me.

Tah Tah 4 now, because I feel like I'm going to go in and have a hard time finding my way back out.

PS- Remember artists, "Ask and thou shall receive." GOD

Epic Penis

They ask, "Does size matter?"

Of course it does! It matters to everyone. Regular Twix or King Size...any Mcdonald's meals medium or large...and Big body Benz. Let me start by admitting, I am a size queen. To me, bigger is better (Not to be confused with The Bigger, The Better...I do have my limitations). Understand that this is simply a preference. You will not get shut down, because you are of medium girth and length. As a matter of fact, you may get play even if your smaller than most, because I have a heart and everybody needs some loving.

Let's start from the top (as you can see I am a Highly sexual being: don't judge me. There is a way to enjoy yourself and still be safe). I have a sexsense (no i didn't misspell six). Dont ask me how, but I have a tendency to tell when a brother is packing. I can tell you it's a compilation of swagga, demeanor, personality, and attitude. So ladies, please stop looking at his height, weight, shoe size (I wonder who came up with that), and nose (ha ha ha). Being a size queen with this gift has its obvious perks, but with every gift there is a curse. Now, in the approximately 85% of my Big Dick Situations(BDS) I have to deal with the overindulged ego.

Yes...daddy, you are holding it down in the bedroom; got me running, screaming your name. Not to burst your bubble, but this does not brainwash me to be a weak bitch. Who's pussy is this? Mine. You are co-owner during sexual actvities (that is if you know what you're doing. Please take note that there are other requirements...just having a big dick is not enough...do you know how to work it?). This is kind of like a sub-lease...it will always belong to me. This means I am the same person before, during, and after. We know there's a time and place for everything. I'll only be your bitch in the bed. Don't test me. Only in relationships do you become a co-signer.

I hate to burst your bubble, but your penis would never be big enough to disrespect me. Granted your package may reward you a higher tolerance level and you may get away with some things, but disrespect...NO. Maybe I'm talking this mess due to my sexsense, but for me big dick comes a dime a dozen, so you and your nasty ass ego can go. Besides, I heard you when you said it was good; a real boost of ego! Thank you!

To my medium-sized brothers...Who ever said "No pain, no gain." is a lie. "It ain't your pencil it's how you write your name." (Mason Betha) I am only a size queen , because there are certain areas I need 'tapped' in order to reach my sexual peak.

I grew up a Tomboy (because I hated girls and girlie ways), so I have a certain connection to my male counterparts. I don't usually get into clowning men with little penises, because they really had no control over the matter...How rediculous would they get if they did have a choice? Lovers...be loving.

I know I am not some raging bitch

Please take heed to this

Before you get up in my face

Know your place

And you will be treated like the King

You were built to be

Signed...The Size Queen

Light tah tah, for now.

Tales of The Nudist: What Imperfections?

Some men love stretch marks...I am his perfect
Getting all he deserves
Plate full
Due to his love for curves
Fed

So, he asked me if I minded him posting my nudes on his blog. You read right...my nudes. When did being naked become so controversial? Damn you atom in the evening! They said the freaks come out at night setting the illusion that Light doesn't exist. If I step out the room, you'll still feel me there. Allow me to illuminate your thought process.

We are all God's (Jah's, Allah's, Anu's, Ourselves') work of art. Art is creation. What we call imperfections are perfect in the power they hold. They can control how you live your life. They can assist in the telling of your story.They're a part of who you are, making you unique. What's more perfect that the things that make you, you?

"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." Very few people have their own opinion when it comes to beauty. They base what's beautiful on what society labeled as such; the mob mentality. When I was in grammer school I was the "Big lipped black ugly monkey." African was definately not the look. When I graduated from High School, I was that "Sweet chocolate thing with full lips." Go Figure.

This reminds me of The Ugly Duckling; only I was never ugly. What changed? I think, in this case, horomones. If anyone liked me as I was growing up, they either kept it to themselves or expressed it in private. God forbid! Going against the norms of society is a form of treason, a crime punishable by lynching! So, instead they settle for being a part of the mob and cast stones. Well, the person without imperfections should cast the first stone. I was always good at dodgeball, but the best way to kill a mob is to point out the individuals.

The chances of me being a contestant on America's Next Top Model is slim to none (pun intented). My sculpter is perfect, therefore, I am perfect. There are no mistakes.

The only hang ups I have about my nudity is based on the society's hang ups. Oh, my God! Is that a ti ti? So, what? We forget that nourishment came from the breast. Not to gross you out, but the first breast you saw and became familiar with was your mother's. When did we start pretentiously throwing that hand over our eyes? I guess the same time we discovered peeking between the fingers...who are we fooling?

To someone I am the poster child for what is beautiful. If that someone ends up just being me; well then, cover your eyes, because I told him yes. Post my nudes. Shouldn't we be fruitful and multiply?

A male groupie (who I thought was a little out of his mind) asked me what I was doing on the reproductive tip. Well, if creation is art and we're re-creating, than this is it. The Re-creation of Light; captured by SirReal Photography...Keep one eye open.



Light Tah, Tah 4 now.

P.S- If you would like to see more they will be posted here: http://sirrealphoto.blogspot.com/2009/11/yes-its-really-light-natasha-l-spence.html

The Company of Misery

Why are you torturing yourself? Because you are afraid of yourself; afraid to be alone...

This may be considered a spin off of self love, but what the hay...I am one person with variations and elaborations to my thoughts. See I not only know myself, but I love myself...I made it that way. If I found anything out about myself that I didn't like, I'd change it until I liked it.

I am SINGLE! Listen, because I have screamed it from mountain tops. Don't get me wrong...I want a man (for my homosexual readers...a lover, but I want a man). I'm not willing to trade my happiness for it. There are nights I wished I had the routine of cuddling, but if I have to be miserable for it...I'll hug my pillow. See my pillow doesn't cause ear, back, head or heartache.

"You don't love yourself, if you did than what others do wouldn't matter as much, Because you got you." I qoute myself from my Self Love post. I did that to draw the variation to this post; You don't love yourself, if you did you would want yourself to be happy and will not allow anything to interrupt that happiness. You would want the best for you.

If that bitch (I say bitch, because bitches exist; male and or female) makes you miserable...I mean to the point that the very thought of them makes you sick...THEN LEAVE. Making yourself miserable is some STUPID SHIT! I HATE STUPID SHIT! ~STUSHI~

I'm going in...

He called me...crying "Light, this crazy bitch is pregnant." [I'm paraphrasing]
1 week later- "I feel some kind of way...she had an abortion." "Well, that was your seed, but look at it this way...God gave you a pass."
1 month later- "Yo Light, that crazy bitch is pregnant again." "Why you tellin' me? I don't know her." "It's mine." ~STUSHI~
9 months later- "She won't let me WOOMP WOOMP WOOMP and she don't WOOMP WOOMP WOOMP..." "Um. God gave you a pass."

This is an extreme example of wanting to be the company of misery. When you get caught up in your ~STUSHI~ (saying ~STUSHI~ does not bruise the ego of the stupid and saves you from cursing (that is until it becomes universal, but for now I figure your a member of my blog, so you are excersising your intelligence) oh, yes...and you can say it in church!) don't bring it to me. Then you would be bringing misery to my life and I'm not having it.

I wasn't born yesterday, so I had to learn some things to get to this point. Please stand (more over than under) that I feel like a seminar host. Not only am I your host, but I was in the very predicament that you're dealing with. I am speaking from experience.

My gift to you; Leave them bitches to find one another. You are unequallly yoked. It's time to use the knowledge you obtained and solve the problem. What is your reason for keeping the problem consistant?

Spend time with self. You might not like everything you find, but you have the power to. Learn yourself and love yourself to the point that you will not jepardize your happiness. You deserve the best; demand it, even from yourself.

Light TAH, TAH 4 now

Cocker Spaniels and Muchoskins

In my first post I spoke about the Cocker Spaniel (a Young Man whose sole purpose is to...well, cocker your spaniel. Usually because they're LEGAL, but can't take you to the club and (in most cases) still live with their momma.) Legal of course means at least 18, but I prefer mine to at least have graduated out of high school...lol...lawd.

We don't get serious with Cocker Spaniels, because their immaturity and lack of wisdom will drive us crazy. They are for fun and games, because they can understand fun and games. Please, when dealing with them let them know their position. The last thing you want is your co-worker showing up at your cubicle talking 'bout "Hey girl, I think your nephew is out there looking for you..." and he's standing out by the front desk with a dozen roses talking 'bout "Hey Boo, I've missed you..." looking for a kiss (I think you get the point).

Consider that some may not be able to enter the club with you, much less buy you a drink. Now I can't give you an age difference, but if you or your homegirl has children their age...that's a good gage. You'll know, Stella, you'll know.

Now for the Muchoskin...I puposely didn't define it in my first post to see who will ask or see if you would just pretend that you knew.

Here are the myths to figuring out a man's 'size': height, shoe size, nose, hands, etc.

I usually don't deal with men shorter than me; their 'Napolean Complex' is real and intolerable.

A Muchoskin in a Macho Munshkin. Mucho is much (or a lot) and I think we know what a munshkin is, if not...look it up. That's all. I don't deal with shorter men otherwise, so I came up with a term...it's the poet in me...lol.

Light Tah! Tah! (4 now)

Self Love

My friend, a beautiful man by the name of Wize, did a beautiful thing for me. He found a picture of a kemetic (egyptian*) bust and matched it with this picture of me...STRIKING resemblance! It is now my profile pic on fb, but this is not what I'm posting about. I'll definately do another post.



I showed another friend the picture and he replied that that was REAL love. Mind you, they are both brothers with the potential to be my man. Their potential lies in our vibes and mental capacities (down right beautiful). Wize and I have been in contact very seldom over the course of 5 years and the other brother and I share a love that cannot be understood; our very union may basterdize it.

In the energy of it all I realized that a lot of brothers love me. Then why haven't I had a man (at least not one worth considering my man) in almost 8 years? The conversation between Wize and I revealed the answer.

He had a lot to say about why he never actually hooked up with me; other relationship issues, wanting to be the best him, and learning who he is. These are all good points and I am flattered that he has REAL love for me...(you feel that but coming? I'm actually trying to use that word less)...I heard..."Light, I don't love me."

I'm not psychic, but he confirmed my observation. I said, "You don't love yourself,  if you did than what others do wouldn't matter as much, Because you got you." I was also saying was that if you loved yourself than we would be together. He would love himself enough to see the beautifulness in our union.

Let me be clear...I don't want him otherwise, because then we will be unequally yoked. I'm not into wasting time and I love myself enough to stay by myself if necessary.

I say all of this to say...Love yourself, so you can love others. Changing the world is that simple.

Light Tah! Tah! (4 now)

*This is the last time I'm translating Kemet to Egypt. I only did it for those who don't know that Kemet is Kemet.