The Stain

I almost can't believe that I didn't write about this before...

I don't even know where to begin.

Okay, more than anything in the world or of this world; I love myself. I made it so. How? I learned myself by embracing my solitude. At first, I found many things I didn't like. I won't bore you with those details; what I didn't like I changed and what I couldn't change, I accepted.

Me, Myself, and I. The me is who I am; Natasha. The I is my spiritual self; ItsReaLight. The Myself is my mental self; the go between. If I do not love myself I cannot love anyone or anything else. So, with love, I lead to be an example. I don't think I'm better than you. Call me mad, but I hope that my confidence resonates to the point that it leaves residue wherever I go; a stain. I want the stain to conflict you into having no choice, but to have the same confidence level.

It has been recently brought to my attention that people dislike (hate is such a powerful word) me, because I'm dark- skinned...fat and have the nerve to not have low self esteem, because of this. Really? No...really?

"Light sucks the energy out of the room." My love, you are mistaken, I AM the energy of the room. I refuse to play down the beautiful being that is me, so you can feel better about yourself. That is a sin; a sin that I will not indulge in, because it's consequence can be fatal.

I am, at most, sad for you. Occupying the time you should be spending on yourself with futile attempts to bring me down. Why? What have I done to you? Perhaps, I have placed you in front of a mirror you were not ready to face. I apologize, for nothing. God built this; only God could break it down. I am not in battle with you. You have already proven yourself an unworthy opponent. Interesting, by the time you get your armor together, you will realize that we are allies in the war.

Excuse my "not so sunny" disposition, but if you shine Light in certain corners you will see dirt. Instead of letting it piss you off, clean it up.

Nothing more to say...Tah, Tah 4 now.

BIG Love

Before I 'GO IN' (ya'll know how I do)...I want to say thank you; for following, reading, commenting, and always inquiring of my next post. Please share these experiences with who you know...don't be like that...share.

On to the next...

You may not mean to insult, but statements like 'Big girls need love too' straight up pisses me off. I have never heard anyone say 'Big boys need love too' or 'Skinny ____ need love too.' Shit, last I checked we all need love; don't you?

Let me take you back to 1994...when I was a skinny girl. Note: My education is based on my experiences, notice how I can speak from both sides of the spectrum...lol. I did not think of being skinny or that I was better than anyone else because I was skinny...I was simply me and I happened to be skinny.

Enough of the flashback...I live in the now. I am not delusional. I know I am a plus size sister. I prefer the term plus size, because that's the section I'm in when you see me shopping for clothes.

Sorry guys...my thoughts are everywhere! Every sentence is triggering a segway, but I'm sure we can get through this together...I'm an Herbivore; currently malnurished. It's what keeps me focused.

Okay...ok

I beg you...fellow plus sizers...your denial makes us look rediculous. We look far better in clothes that fit! Take your ass to the plus size section and STOP SHOPPING FOR LARGE IN THE JUNIORS! Thank you.

As most of you know, I took nudes. The response was beautiful, by the way. What I didn't expect was the respect I gained from my fellow plus sizers. I was looked at as some kind of spokesperson...'People don't expect fat people to do nudes...' Honestly, I hear you and I understand, but the last thing on my mind was my size (believe it or not). I like being naked. There's a beauty in it that I wanted to express to the world...period.

The difference between 1994 and now (besides fingerwaves to dreads and age) is my passion. I used to be an athlete; basketball, track, weight training, etc. Now, I'm an artist. My poetry made me fat. When I decided to take my artistry seriously, everything became secondary...non existant, even. Which now segways me to 'out of shape.' Some people are just built small (dare I say most). They can't walk a mile without dropping a lung and they will eat you out of house and home. Now, because their skinny or small framed society is more accepting. I know some big girls that can dance the night away and eat sometimes or very little (nudge...nudge...wink). Besides, how do you know this is not the shape I’m supposed to be? Out of shape…I outta…

Thank God for self thinking individuals, because without them big girls would need love too. I'm saying, I love spinach and you may hate it, but that doesn't mean you'll spit in my plate. To each their own. We really shouldn't knock each other for our preferences, that's our God given right. What's interesting is I prefer stallions (6' 2" or more...250 -300lbs...SOLID) to big boys. I'm entitled to that without being insultive or nasty. As grown as we are, we tend to get very 'schoolyard' about certain things. If you can't stand the sight of me, don't look...and yes, you can miss me (ha ha).

I had to bring this up, because (like racism) some of you won't leave it alone. Otherwise, I would be a blogger posting blogs; who just happens to be fat (full figured, plus size, whatever). For the record...big girls DO get love too. I'm proof.

Tah! Tah! 4 now