Honestly?

"I am terrified of you
Tongue heavy with lies
If only the stench attracted flies
You sneaky
Straight creepy
Beautiful monster" - Excerpt from "The Beast" by ItsReaLight


It is due time that we hold each other responsible to the truth. Let's begin with the spoken truth... if the truth is not in what you speak then keep your mouth shut. I'm speaking on all lies, yes, even the little ones. "Hey, I'm going to call you back in 20 minutes." If you call back in 30 plus minutes or don't call back at all...guess what? You're a liar. I know that seems extreme, but it's the truth (isn't that what we're talking about?) Maybe you would have been better off just saying you will call back. This way you hold no obligations to time. Okay, so you called back in 25; an apology will suffice. That's right, I'm holding you accountable.


Understand that growing thicker skin will be necessary in this transformation, because in order to start telling the truth; we also have to be ready to accept it. The truth needs to be handled. Opinions can easily be mistaken for the truth. We should be able to see the truth in people's opinions. I know, better than anyone, that we don't live in a perfect world and there may be people that's just set to hurt your feelings. Wherein, lies the lie.


I was engaged (lift your jaw). I broke it off for many reasons, but the one that ignited the separation was finding out that he lied about his age. If they are willing to lie in the smallest of instances it has been my experience that they will lie again. I almost said when it's important. Now that I think about it, it's actually okay to lie. WHAT, LIGHT!?! Yeah, I said it. It's okay to lie just take ownership of it. What do I mean? 


Example: 
Officer- "Were you smoking Marijuana?" 
You- "No."
Officer- "Is this your Marijuana?"
You- "I don't know how that got there"
Later on...safe...at home...
You- "Shit, I wasn't going to go to jail."
An Okay Lie...lol


It was Georgia Me, a fellow poet, that said something along the lines of if you want to keep your woman, don't make any promises; just do. People hardly expect the unexpected. Maybe we should do less talking and more action? I don't know. I'm just seeking a solution, because I am sooooo tired of people lying ALL THE DAMN TIME! Especially when the truth ALWAYS comes to Light! No really, the truth just falls in my lap.


The truth? According to who? Good question. The answer is simple "To thine own self be true." Start with yourself. If for some reason you can't recognize when you're lying maybe you should seek help. All jokes aside, if you can't then it may be a mental issue. The last 3/4 of my 2010 seemed to be saturated with pathological liars; haunting. I recognized them, because I used to be one. Long story short, I told lies so frequently that I began to believe them myself. This lead to living in the lies. 


It was my Sophomore year in High school when I decided that I didn't want to lie anymore. It's hard to clean up lies, so starting fresh worked out better. I'm 30 years old and I found myself still cleaning up the lies I have made way back then; it's a process similar to weening yourself from bad habits. It's still not as complicated as we like to make everything. Make a conscious effort to stop.


My mother always said she would "Trust a thief before I trust a lie." I understand it, because I have seen the results of some lies and noticed that lies are dangerous; it can even be fatal. Do you really want someone's death on your conscious?


It's a new year. Start keeping it real. Stand firm in your truth, because the honest road is a rocky one in the world of lies.


Tah, tah 4 now!

Test of Strength

It seems that being strong casts the illusion of being without emotions or feelings. Like it was some kind of trade. Constantly my strength is being tested. A part of me feels like there's some secret coalition, formed to see if I can be weak. Almost as if my strength makes me some kind of freak of nature..."We MUST find her kryptonite! There's no way she can be This strong."

I don't want to come off as if I want you to spare my feelings, because then you will stop being honest. We should all know by now, that the truth will always reveal itself. It is best not to let it fester. Be honest and if it's genuinly from a place of care and love than it will be well recieved. I can only speak for myself. So, this blog entry is selfish in that.

Sometimes, I wish a were weak, because maybe then I would have a man (yea, I said it). In being strong, they're intimidated (don't want them), they're turned off (don't want them), or they feel like they can do with me what they will, because in the end I'll be okay (definately don't want them).

I have been friends with people who has exhausted our friendship, but remain because I realize that they need me as a friend, even if THEY don't realize it. I would want someone to be there for me in spite of myself, that's true friendship.

I have said many a times...Always the homegirl, never the girl (my curse). So, while I love you and thought we had something; you dedicate yourself to someone else. Thank you for being honest, but now I'm not only expected to be strong enough to be with out you; I'm also expected to be your friend through the course of you being happy with someone else. Wow, that's strong. I should be happy that you found your happily ever after.

On the other hand, I don't want your pity. Guess what, friend it is. Now I'll just pretend that my heart isn't shattered and trust in the glue of time to mend it back together.

Sometimes, I just want to get lost. This strength has kept me single, fired from jobs, excluded from associations, and constatntly challenged. This strength keeps me from suicide, lifts me from my puddle of tears, standing before my adversaries, and surviving.

As I continue to live amognst you, I realize I am not you. I am not like any of you. I am the Light. I recieved a message in a fortune cookie once, it said: "He who bares the Light; must endure the burn." So, keep setting your fires...I know how to stop, drop, and roll. I'd really hate to know life without me, so....I'm here for you, because burns heal.

Tah tah 4 now....Light